If you suffer from low confidence and are trying to improve your self-esteem, then simply focusing on yourself can actually work against you.
Sometimes it’s necessary to take the ‘self’ out of self-confidence.
This may sound counter intuitive, but it’s really not. If you’re constantly thinking about yourself, you can get your ego caught up with your feelings and the way you look at the world. If you only look at the world the way you see it, of course things are going to go against you from time to time. By only seeing these events from your own point of view, set backs will fester and create negative thought patterns that will ultimately lead to lower feelings of confidence.
So how can you take the ‘self’ out of self-confidence? It’s really quite easy. Do something for someone else that THEY will find beneficial.
This can be something as simple as holding a door for someone, offering directions to someone lost or your seat on the bus. If you want to take this even further, then there’s a lot to be said for voluntary work, fundraising or charity collection. By giving your time and talents selflessly, and giving it to those that would really value it gives you an enormous feeling of self worth. You’re not focusing on your needs here, your focusing on the other person. You’re not focusing on what you can or can’t do, just on what the other person needs. The good feelings of self worth and confidence that you get is just the by-product of doing something good for another human being.
The key here is ‘selflessness’. This doesn’t work if you adopt this attitude to get something back. You should expect nothing at all. You’re not doing this to gain favour, any kind of monetary gain or material things. Sometimes you won’t even get a thank you (that’s their problem, not yours). But when you do receive gratitude, and you’ve given your help genuinely, the feeling that you’ve added value to someone else’s life is hugely uplifting.
Make it habit to do this everyday. Not everyone has the time to volunteer, but everyone has the chance many times a day to do something of value for someone else, you’ve just got to open yourself up to it. Don’t rush through life without noticing those around you, you never know when your unique talents or kind actions or words could make a huge difference to someone’s day. Do this and notice your feelings of self worth and confidence grow every time you do.